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Do you ever feel like you were born with something 

A darkness maybe 

An inescapable breath of sorrow 

Of melancholy that lingers 

Its stench pulls you deep into despair

Looking for a light as it surrounds you 

And pulls you down 

Over 

And over 

And over again.

What do you do when you’re tired?

When your body aches as you begin to dissociate 

When all the versions of yourself from your past are whispering in your ear

“Draw blood” they say

Oh the comfort and confusion that comes with the inner spirals 

Will it ever change 

Will it ever get easier 

Because each time it feels like I’m getting closer 

It’s not only that 

The paralysis that haunts me every night 

The dreams that I can barely call dreams as I wake up crying or scared for my life.

I’m so tired. 

So tired.